Cloudy Night
by EJ13
Summary: Tanya is left hurt after her sister's death. She does the unthinkable and leaves the rest of the Denali's, looking for a way to stop hurting. She ends up with the Cullen's, and starts a new life, with the possibility of love.
1. Pain

**"Pain is never permanent" - Saint Teresa of Avila**

* * *

'_Caius raised his hand as she spoke, and in it was a strange metal object, carved and ornate'_

The growl I had been holding onto during my recount of that day slipped out. I knew what was coming, for I had replayed this scene over a thousand times in my head.

'_Three of the Volturi soldiers leaped forward, and Irina was completely obscured by their gray cloaks. In the same instant, a horrible metallic screeching ripped through the clearing'_

Balled up in my corner, I whimpered. It never got easier to look back on that day.

'_Caius slithered into the centre of the gray melee, and the shocking squealing sound exploded into a startling upward shower of sparks and tongues of flame'_

My breathing became heavy, my body shaking with rage and grief.

_Caius stood alone beside the blazing remains of Irina, the metal object in his hand still throwing a thick jet of flame into the pyre'_

I cried out, sobbing and gasping for air, even though I did not need it. It was over, she was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. The fact that my unbeating heart was burning with sorrow and that my eyes were full of non-existent tears made it easier to believe. I closed my eyes and imagined she was with me. Her silvery blond hair swishing around her chin as she laughed at Kate's playful behaviour, the look in her eyes as she would listen to Eleazar's stories of the Volturi and her kind smile. When my sister smiled I always imagined the world would stop to look at her, she really was that beautiful.

A noise from below forced my eyes to snap open. Kate and Garrett had opened the front door and walked into the kitchen. I heard her giggle and the crashing of their marble-like skin. I quickly focused on something else. I stared around my room, taking in every detail. The dusky pink wallpaper was curling in the corners, in desperate need of replacement. Every surface was dusty and cobwebs adorned the chandelier. The mirror on the wall was hanging at the wrong angle and the chest of drawers below had clothes spilling out onto the floor. The king sized bed in the middle of the room was unmade, the sheets creased and stained with mud. The curtains had been torn from the rails and the window was open, allowing the autumn breeze to drift into the room. It was quiet and dark outside. The inky blue sky was clear and the stars were burning brightly, with the moon to help light up the night.

I grew bored of my observations and let myself hear my surroundings. The house was silent. I sighed and let my mind drift back to repeat the worst day of my life for the one thousand and first time.

Weeks passed. The autumn turned into winter and a fluffy white layer covered the land surrounding the house. The air turned crisp and colder, not that it bothered anyone that lived in my house. I pushed the window as wide open as it would go and perched on the ledge. It was silent outside, too cold for all the creatures in the surrounding woods to be out of their nests and burrows. I heard a light tapping from inside, someone treading carefully up the stairway. I froze and waited to see if they were coming towards my room. They arrived outside my door and paused before knocking. I slowly and silently inhaled their scent before making a decision.

"Come in" I said flatly, allowing no emotion to enter my voice. The door knob twisted and clicked, and the door swung open.

Carmen stood in the doorway, not moving. She was small and thin with perfect facial features. Her pale vampire skin had an olive tint to it, showing her nationality before she was changed. Her chocolate brown curls hung down just past her shoulders. The bright golden eyes she stared at me with were framed with thick, dark lashes. I watched her as she took and step towards me and survey the mess in my room.

"Tanya" she whispered, her features crumpling into a pained expression, "You can't keep on doing this, it's like you're not living"

"I'm fine, Carmen" I said, deliberately looking away from her, to hide the agonizing truth. She took another step closer and I turned my body away from her slightly.

"Carmen I'd like you to leave me alone now please"

"Tanya, talk to me! Do you think you're the only one hurting, the only one who feels a massive hole in their life? We are meant to be a family!" she cried out, her eyes shimmering with the tears we could never cry. I felt rage build up inside me, powerfully trying to take over my body and force me to become the predator and fighter that I should be. I shut my eyes to block out Carmen's face and opened my mouth.

"We are not a family anymore! Irina is dead. You have Eleazar. Kate has Garrett. That's your family. Not me" I said, quietly and coldly. I heard her draw in a breath, attempt to hide a sob and leave my room. As soon as she was downstairs, I crossed my room and shut the door. Leaning against it, I sank to the floor, hugging my chest. I had intentionally hurt her for my own benefit, to achieve my wish of being alone. I had sunk to a new low, destroying the ties with the people who loved me the most. I shut my eyes and forced my mind back to simpler days, before the pain and loss and heartache had begun.

Days later, I had another visitor. Kate had come to speak to me about what I said to Carmen. As she barged into my room, her silky sunshine coloured hair swished around her face which was contorted into an expression of anger. As she came closer to me, I slipped into a protective crouch and ever so quietly growled. She came to stand right in front of me, squaring her shoulders and clenching her fists. I slowly moved back and straightened up.

"How could you say those things to Carmen? She was trying to help you!" she hissed, showing me her teeth as if to warn me away from her. I growled back in response, attempting to push her into a fight. I knew if it came down to it I would lose, but I wanted to release my anger, inflict the pain I felt on someone else. To me, it didn't matter that she was my sister, that she loved me or that she might be suffering too. She stared me down, her eyes daring me to take a step closer. I growled again, louder this time. She pushed my shoulder in retaliation.

I heard a roar. Unsure of where it came from, I leapt at Kate, tackling her to the floor. She let her power flow over her whole body, the electric current jolting through me and pinning me to the floor. She stood above me with a superior look on her face. As soon as I had regained my composure, I leapt up and grabbed her shirt, throwing her against the wall. She hit my mirror and fell to the floor, glass shattering over her body. She slowly and cautiously got up, holding her hands out in front of her.

"You broke my mirror" I grunted at her. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised and snorted.

"You broke your own damn mirror" she responded, folding her arms over her chest. I turned away from her.

"You know", she continued, "I didn't think you'd give up so easily, I was sure you would still try and fight me"

"I should've, after the shock you gave me. That much power was uncalled for" I replied.

"Uncalled for? You practically blew my ears off with the noise you made and pinned me to the ground! I was just protecting myself"

"You're such a child!" I said crossly, wishing she was away from me. She winked and poked out her tongue.

"If you want to keep that, I suggest you put it back in your mouth Kate"

She pulled her tongue back into her mouth and bent down to pick up the largest shard of glass from my mirror. She crossed the room to stand just behind me. Kate placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed the glass under my nose.

"When did you change so much, sister?" she asked quietly, leaving the glass shard in my hand and walking out of the room. The door closed and I held the item in my hand level with my face.

The sight I saw looking back at me was one I knew I'd never forget. The woman in the reflection had paler skin than any vampire I had seen and it was deep purple under her eyes. Her strawberry blond hair hung limply against her face. The eyes were perhaps the most shocking part. They were blacker than night, cold and hard looking, no emotion in them. I gasped. I wasn't me anymore. My grief had made me someone else.

Anger rose inside of me as I thought of Kate. She had deliberately handed me the mirror, knowing this would push me into change. I threw the shard on the floor and watched as it shattered into smaller pieces. I balled up my fist and hurled it with all my might at the wall in front of me. Pieces of dry wall, insulation and paper exploded around my hand, falling to the floor. Dust surrounded me and I stood there long enough to watch it settle before striding over to the window and throwing it open. I took a deep breath and jumped.

As I landed softly on the ground below, the glass doors behind me slid open and in the next second, Kate was stood beside me.

"Where are you going?" she enquired. I threw her the dirtiest look I could muster and replied.

"None of your business"

"Just tell me Tanya" she sighed. I felt the anger build up inside me again, but this time I knew I wasn't going to fight her.

"Just back off!" I shrieked, "This is all your fault! You made me look into that piece of mirror! You made me see what I'm becoming, so why can't you leave me alone to let me deal with it!"

I pushed her hard away from me, turned and ran as fast as I could. As I reached the edge of the forest, I changed. I let my senses take over and my strength ripple through my body. I let the animal I was meant to be take over and the need to kill was strong. Human, animal or vampire, I knew I had the strength to end their life before they could even see it coming. I travelled further into the forest. The part of me that could still feel empathy hoped that no one would get in my way, for tonight, I was fury, unrestrained and untouchable, ready to fight.


	2. Bad Deed

**"How oft the sight of means to do ill deeds makes ill deeds done!" - William Shakespeare**

* * *

Wind whipped my hair around my face. The sky had gone black and rain was pelting down to the earth. I stood in the middle of the forest, alone, listening and waiting. The moon was hidden by dark clouds, allowing no light to slip through. It didn't matter to me. My eyes were capable of catching the smallest creature in the darkest place. The wind changed direction and whistled through the trees to the north of me. Something was different.

The faint scent of blood had crossed my nose. I breathed deep, inhaling the mouth-watering smell and closing my eyes. I let my ears do the work, trying to hear a heartbeat or movement in the area. To the north there was one solitary beat, slow and steady. I turned towards it. The hunter within me took control as I slipped into a crouch and starting pacing toward the pulse.

The ground had become muddy and, for a human, difficult to walk on. I was ankle deep in slime and soaked to my skin, but I still paced onwards. I was getting closer. The branches of the trees rattled violently as a strong gust of wind blew through them. The scent was intoxicating as it surrounded me, I could almost feel the blood flowing into my mouth, the heat of it as it travelled into my body. I pushed through some bushes that were in my way and walked straight into a clearing.

There was a small tent pitched near the edge of the trees. Inside I could hear slow breathing and a relaxed heartbeat. The blood was so close to me now, I could feel myself going crazy, getting riled up and ready for the kill. In a second I was outside of the door of the tent. Another second later I had ripped the front open and exposed the human. Silently, I crept closer to the man. With one quick snap I had disabled him, breaking his lower leg so he couldn't run. He awoke then, screaming in pain and fright as I loomed over him, the monster of the night. His heartbeat was erratic and he drew in quick, sharp little breaths. He screamed again as I locked my jaw around his wrist.

It took me ten seconds to realise what I was doing. Ten glorious and pleasurable seconds of feeding, to realise that I was turning my back on my lifestyle. All the reasons I had become what I was flooded into my head. Irina's face flashed into my mind and I dropped the human. His heartbeat was so faint. I guessed he would die within minutes. I stood up and looked down at myself, covered in a human's blood, twigs and leaves stuck all over me. I was a mess and I needed to sort myself out.

I fled from the clearing, running away from the sounds of the heartbeat. I ran until I couldn't hear him anymore. When I was about half a mile from the house, I stopped and scaled one of the taller trees. Sat atop one of the old oaks, I closed my eyes. It was quiet. The rain had stopped and the clouds were just clearing. Stars popped out of the darkness giving a little light to the tops of the trees. I felt peaceful there, for the first time in eleven years; my mind was starting to clear.

I sat on top of the tree until the sun peeked over the horizon. The orange glow illuminated the land, showing how beautiful it was. I knew I needed to get home, to sort myself out and to make amends for the things I had done. I leapt quietly from the tree, landing with a soft thud. Under the leafy boughs, the forest was a dazzling jade green, with bursts of yellow light shooting through the trees. I could smell the dewy dirt and plants, thriving in the early morning sunlight. Mornings like these elated me and I shot off like a rocket, enjoying the cool air around me.

As I approached the house, I slowed to a casual walk. I knew the others would have heard me by now. I walked over to the east wall and stood directly below my window. With a small push, I was in the air and then diving through my window. My room was as I had left it, messy and dark. I dashed into my closet and pulled out my largest suitcase. Unzipping it, I threw it onto my bed. I was like a tornado then, throwing clothes and shoes into it until it was full. I left a set of clean clothes on my bed and went into the shower.

As the hot water sprayed over me I thought about where I could go. I could not become a nomad, wandering from town to town, with only the clothes on my back. I laughed aloud as a thought crossed my mind. I was too domesticated, exactly the opposite of the wild and uninhibited vampires that roamed alone. I needed a home and people around me. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, dressing in record timing.

It hit me suddenly. Carlisle. I could go to him, and his family. They had been good to us over the years, and I loved them almost as much as my own family. He would not judge me for my mistake, or hold it against me. He would understand. I zipped the suitcase and pulled it onto the floor, in the upright position. I grabbed a purse, stuffing my wallet, car keys and cell phone inside it. I pulled the suitcase along and out of my door, towing it down the stairs. Everyone was sat in the living area and by the looks of things they were waiting for me.

"Tanya" Carmen said quietly, flitting across the floor to stand in front of me, "Where are you going?"

"To stay with Carlisle" I replied, keeping my eyes on my shoes. I heard a sob and felt her hand on my shoulder. I heard Kate sigh, as though she were dealing with an impatient child. Irritated by this, I looked up.

A gasp echoed round the room, and four sets of eyes popped out of their sockets. I felt my face set, the expression defensive. As they stood there, frozen into statues, I made my move. I darted into the garage and popped the trunk of my car. The suitcase went inside with a thud and I slammed the hood down. I slid into my seat just as they all came running towards me. Jamming the key in the ignition, my foot hit the gas and I sped out of the garage.

I glanced into my rear-view mirror. The four statues were still there. Carmen looked as though her world had broken in two and for that I felt horrible. I glanced at my reflection. A pair of bright, blood red eyes stared back at me. I panicked and accelerated, wishing myself to be away from home quicker than humanly possible.


	3. House or Home

**"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you" - Christian Morgenstern**

* * *

Driving was slow. I drove not really knowing where I was headed, apart from knowing I was headed away from Alaska. Every now and then I would move my eyes to the rear-view mirror. I wasn't checking for traffic.

My eyes had severely disturbed me as I had pulled out of the drive way. It seemed normal to see it on nomads, like their wild eyes were connected to their primitive lifestyle and the gentle gold of ours showed that we were tamer creatures. My own eyes had proved to me, that no matter how much you try to change yourself, it could always be undone in a heartbeat. Guilt washed around my stomach as I thought of the poor man in the forest, dying alone and cold. A sob escaped me and I slammed on the brakes, veering off onto the side of the road.

I switched the engine off and fell to the side, my head landing in the passenger seat. I lay there crying for hours. The pain I felt was not the same as the pain for Irina; it was more self-pity and disappointment.

Twilight had fallen outside of the car. The sky had begun to turn from a pale blue to purple, with stars winking through the clouds that drifted across them. I sat up and switched the stereo on. I fiddled with the stations. First I hit a rock music station. I wrinkled my nose in distaste and turned the dial again. The next station was a bunch of senators, debating on the global warming situation. I turned again. I had no patience to listen to old men talk about the problem rather than doing something about it. The next station was a hit for me. As I tuned in they were just announcing the weather.

"And in New Hampshire, the weather will be cloudy, with a small chance of rain. Now back to Randy, with the latest new music releases"

It reminded me of my plan. The Cullen's had moved to New Hampshire about five years after the incident with the Volturi. Carlisle worked in the teaching hospital, passing down his three hundred years of medical experience to the doctors of tomorrow. Esme designed and renovated old houses. She had managed to get Emmett and Jasper to work with her, doing all the heavy lifting. I wasn't entirely sure what Rosalie was up to, but I was pretty sure it involved her staring into a mirror and wishing her life was different. Alice had chosen to go to college again, along with Edward and Bella, whilst Renesmee was working on her high school diploma at home with Jacob.

I planned on going to Carlisle, in the hope that he would let me beg for his forgiveness and take me into his home. I knew I would have to change my behaviour. I couldn't go back to moping about Irina.

I twisted the key in the ignition and pulled away from the side of the road. It had become dark enough outside that any human would have needed bright lights to drive. I switched mine off and pushed my foot on the gas. Now that I had a plan, I felt the need to follow it through as quickly as possible. I accelerated down the darkened highways, watching the world go past me. I cracked the window and smelt the air. It was earthy and damp. I could smell the trees on the side of the roads, the small creatures that lived beneath them and the flowers that were trying to grow on the ground.

The highways were clear as it was so late. As I drove, my eyes flicked to the edge of the roads. The snow was melting, leaving patches of white all the way along the roadside.

Clouds drifted across the sky, covering the stars and moon. They were a dark and angry gray. As the sun rose, it didn't get much lighter outside. The clouds had covered the sky completely. Around seven in the morning, rain started to drop on my windscreen. It came slowly at first, gently tapping on the roof of my car. An hour later it had turned into a heavy downpour, soaking the surroundings. I flipped my wipers on and glared out of the windscreen. I never did like the rain.

At around midday, I drove into New Hampshire. I knew the way to the Cullen's house easily, having memorized the route before I left. It took me past Dartmouth College, the smallest of the Ivy League schools. As I passed shops and houses at a reasonable speed, the rain became lighter. Turning off at the correct junction, I found myself under a leafy green canopy of branches, so thick it almost blocked all of the light out. A few miles down the road, there was a secluded turn off.

I swung my car into it. This was it. The driveway to my new home.

* * *

**Sorry for the appalling-ness that is this chapter. I had a bit of a mental block, and also I was really disinterested in this chapter as it is just her journey! EJ**


	4. Mending

**"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity" - _Hippocrates_**

* * *

As I drove down the long and twisty road to the Cullen's new home, I felt nervous. I feared Carlisle's reaction the most, as it was him who would decide my next steps. I wondered what the others would say, and I wondered what they would think in private. The large trees covered the road and formed a tunnel. The sun was lost and it was now dark inside the car. I glanced to the mirror again, a tiny part of me hoping my eyes had changed back already. They glowed, as red as they had been the first time I looked at them.

By then, I had reached the end of the driveway. The house stood before me, magnificent, even against its pretty woodland surroundings. It was made up of light panelled wood, two stories up, with a high roof. The windows were framed in a darker wood, which contrasted beautifully. A path of stone surrounded by small bushes and flowers led up to an impressive front door. It was a double set, with dark golden handles curving ornately into a leaf design. The wood, dark and matching the frames of the windows, had been carved with patterns of flowers and trees swirling up the sides. A stained glass window was in place at the top of each door, the greens and yellows glowing in the weak sunlight that shot through the trees.

I parked as far away from the house as I could get and switched off my engine. I sat there for a while, thinking about what I could say or do to make my actions seem more reasonable. I came up with nothing. With a deep sigh, I opened the car door and stepped outside. The sunlight danced off my pale skin as I walked cautiously towards the house. I could hear movement from inside, and also from around the back.

"Who are you?", a voice from behind me asked. I turned quickly. A tall boy, with short black hair and deep red brown skin was stood there. His muscles were tensed, as if he were readying himself for a fight. His dark brown eyes swept over me, finally ending in a glare as they locked onto mine. I realised he though of me as a threat.

"I am Tanya, of the Denali's. I have come to speak with Carlisle. Is he here?" I explained.

The doors I now had my back to clicked open gently. I turned, seeing it was Carlisle. He stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

"She is no threat to us Embry. Go back and join Jacob, for I am guessing she wishes to speak privately with me" Carlisle requested, his soft voice washing calm through me. The boy Embry nodded, and sprinted into the trees. I heard a slight pause, and then quick and heavy footfalls racing through the forest.

"Will you come to my study Tanya? Or would you prefer to speak here?" Carlisle enquired.

"Your study" I answered. He nodded, his perfect face breaking into a small smile. He turned and opened the door, holding it so I could walk in ahead of him. I stepped into the house and heard the door close behind me. Gentle hands rested on my shoulders as I was led to a door at the end of the hallway. I opened it and went inside, Carlisle following all the way. He shut it behind me and walked around the desk, finally taking a seat in the large chair.

"So", he began, "Tell me what happened". I took in a breath before spilling every second of what had happened and why I had come here. He sat as still as a statue whilst I spoke, genuine interest and concern etched onto his face.

When I was finished, we sat in silence for a moment. Then he spoke.

"I'm not angry with you, Tanya. I'm sad. Sad for the poor man who lost his life. Sad for you, still in so much pain even after all this time, and most of all I'm sad that this was what it took to get you to wake up"

As he finished, I hung my head. My actions were shameful.

"Why did you not seek guidance or help from Eleazar or Carmen?" Carlisle questioned gently. I looked up, furrowing my eyebrows.

"You should have seen their faces, Carlisle, after they had realised what happened" I answered softly. He nodded and sighed.

"I guess not everyone can forgive as easily as I seem to be able to"

He seemed to lapse into deep thought then, a small and perfect crease forming in his forehead. I sat back in my chair and waited. Each blink felt like a hundred years passing, even though I could hear the clock ticking from its place on the white wall.

Finally he moved. He leant forward and puts his hands on his desk.

"I am willing to forgive you Tanya", he said quietly, "But you must obey my rules here if you are to stay. Animal blood only. And I want you to do something constructive with your time, instead of moping about the place"

"I accept!" I answered hurriedly. He smiled, wide and brilliantly.

"Okay then", he said, "Welcome to the Cullen family"

A few hours later, I found myself in the smallest of the bedrooms in Carlisle and Esme's house. The small room was, in fact, quite large. I had my own private bathroom which was beautifully tiled in pale greens and blues. The bedroom was magnificent. The walls were a pale yellow colour, except for the one that was entirely glass. Soft thick carpet covered the floor, its creamy colour keeping the room light and open. A small chest of drawers stood in the corner, now holding all of my possessions. It was made of dark brown wood and had long silver handles stretched across the front of each drawer. On top sat an empty photo frame. The sides were an intricate weaving of silver swirls and small, glistening crystals. It stood alone, nothing else surrounding it. The light from the windows seemed to catch the frame more than any other object in the room. I looked away from it, its emptiness reminding me of my own. I crossed over to the bed, a luxurious king sized affair. The sheets and pillow cases were a light metallic colour and looked incredibly soft.

I crossed the room slowly, my breaths coming evenly. I stopped just before the bed, closed my eyes and allowed myself to think of her, one more time, before I locked her away in the back of my mind.

She stepped towards me, lifting her hand to my face and gently stroking my cheek. I fell forwards onto the bed, invisible tears springing from my ghoulish eyes. She was still there in my mind, a presence I could not ignore.

"I'm sorry" I said, in a low and broken tone. She shook her head, her beautiful hair swishing around her face. As soft as a feather, her voice swept over my ears.

"Its time Tanya. Let me go"

I nodded my head. I was lying on my side, my arms holding my own body. Holding myself together, before I let go. The whisper came again.

"I love you sister, now, let me go"

The scene vanished from my mind. The empty ache in my chest slowly and agonizingly stopped. I uncurled and lay flat on my back on the bed.

For the first time in six years, I was free of heart wrenching pain. It was a dull ache now, barely noticeable. I sat up quickly and shot over to the window. The moon had lit the room beautifully, casting everything into black and white. As I watched the stars my mind raced. I needed a plan, like Carlisle had said. I thought of all the things I had done in my long life, and the things I had enjoyed the most.

I had my plan. I knew what I wanted to do.


End file.
